So... this has been a rough week! Yesterday we went to Menlo, Georgia to a Cross Country race. I watched Brady suffer through another race. This is the second race I've been able to attend. I thought that last time was bad, but that it was maybe just a fluke. Um, no. This was excruciating. I seriously hope nothing truly bad ever happens to my children, because I can tell you that I won't be able to handle it. I was in tears. I pretty much recognized instantly what his problem was. Asthma. Geez, where have I been? Why was I at work when he had ALL of his cross country meets? Why didn't I help my poor child? You know, sometimes, you just drop the ball when it comes to parenting. I feel like I'm an average parent. Somedays I'm better than average, and some days I don't quite hit average. But overall, I'm average. But if anyone could recognize his problem, it's me. And I was at work! Nice. This poor child has been suffering for weeks!! So, we're sad. I'm sad for him and I'm sad that he's inherited this from me. I know exactly what it feels like and I don't wish that on anyone. I'm also a little relieved to know the problem. He has an appointment on Tuesday to get an inhaler. He's not happy about it. It's only for exercise, but he sees it as "geeky". I've tried to explain, but oh well. I'd rather him have it if he needs it, than not at all. He has decided to sit the Pumpkin Race out on Monday. I can't say I blame him. Brady has shown more grace and character during this cross country season than most adults. He has blown me away with his dedication and commitment. He deserves to spend this race having fun and not struggling to breathe.
It's interesting because I feel like last year was all about Christian. I spent so much of my time with him and being consumed by his needs and issues. This year has really been all about Brady. From his struggles in Cross Country, to him going on his first overnight school trip, to all of the "lasts"; my thoughts have been consumed by Brady. I guess that love goes where it's needed. Being a Mom is tough. You try your best, but sometimes, it's just not enough. You love all your children, but they need you in different ways at different times. And then sometimes, you just miss the mark no matter how hard you try. I guess all you can do is hope and pray that the next time is different. And that's the thing with children... there's always a next time.
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